one

i really hope brandon comes around. i pray to god he does. he has to... i desperately need him to. i love him so much but he HAS to learn to trust me. i can't go on having to tell him everything i'm doing every second of the day. don't get me wrong i don't mind doing it at all... for now. this is a really really hard adjustment, especially considering his past. i'll do it for the whole semester if i have to. but not forever. i can't do that, he just has to trust me.

because i love him more than life. if he can't ever see that... then maybe we aren't meant to be. now i'm not giving up hope yet, but he has to eventually. he has to feel my love. i feel like i've got SOO much of it to give, i'm going to bust at the seams. i love him so much i just want to stand on a mountain and scream it to the world. he makes me feel like no one else ever has, and i would never ever trade this feeling or him for the world. i completely understand, or at least as much as anyone can, how he can feel about being betrayed so badly so many times. but i love him. i really really do. no one else could have, at least not the way i do. because if anyone else ever did, HOW THE HELL could they ever break his heart. I LOVE HIM. i trust him with my life and my whole heart. because in a way, no matter how upset he gets sometimes, i don't think he would ever do to me whats been done to him. that's the ONLY thing the skeez has ever done that's good to him. other than that i hate her guts. and no one else is going to change my mind =] as far as i'm concerned, you could be a saint, but to betray someone like brandon so badly and absolutely break his heart... does not merit my forgiveness or likeness. i DO get to hate your guts because you are indirectly creating problems with my relationship with him now. gr. i hate her.

ok enough talk about that. i mean i could probably write a novel on the topic, but it just stresses me out more than i already am. i miss home so much =[ and brandon, obviously. i miss him the most. i can't stand being so far away. 5 more days!!!